I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
