shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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