Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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