I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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