At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
