Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Bring me that man meat
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
