If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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