i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
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Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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