i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
