3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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