He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
