You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
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Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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