i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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