Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
