There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
