Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize