He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
