I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
