ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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