I never want to see another naked old woman again.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
the liver wants what the liver wants
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
