i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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