God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize