just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
