he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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