Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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