shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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