i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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