I feel great
I just peed on a car
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
