made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
