"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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