Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
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New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
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Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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