did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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