I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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