THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
