After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
