We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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