this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
