haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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