Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
