i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
