Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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