How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
