: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
bring money and cleavage
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
