I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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