Only a mothe r could love this liver
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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