Betty ford says i'm here all night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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