True but thats because hes a fetus.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
