We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
