i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
