i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
