Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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