I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
is it fun? or sober?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
