I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize