i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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