his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
