Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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