doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My ass is underappreciated
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
