Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
