Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
