They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Randomize