he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
