Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
