Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
