She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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