then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm passing your future prison.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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