so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
