C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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