I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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