I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
