Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
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Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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