I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
home. puking in laundry basket.
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just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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