He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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