What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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