we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
