I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just invented taco cereal.
foreskin is a definite game changer
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
