i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
