Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize