im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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