I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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