you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
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What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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