he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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