the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
