ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize